


I Surrender

by NotAPrettyLady



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Bane Chronicles - Sarah Rees Brennan & Cassandra Clare & Maureen Johnson, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Angst, Cheating, Fatherhood, Fluff, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Kid Fic, M/M, Mpreg, Mundane Alec Lightwood, Mundane Magnus Bane, Post Mpreg, Romance, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-09-24 02:34:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9695855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotAPrettyLady/pseuds/NotAPrettyLady
Summary: An unexpected encounter blossomed into a lovely relationship for Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood but alas, Magnus would rather be ruled by lust than love.





	1. I'm in love with you

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd.  
> I'm depressed and this is the product of my depression. Hope it's worthy enough to read. :(

“This place is awesome, isn’t it?” Magnus grinned. “I’ve been dying to take you here.”

“Yeah, it’s great.” Alec scrutinized the restaurant before turning back at Magnus and smiled. “How did you know about this place?”

“A customer had suggested it.” Magnus lifted up his glass of martini to his lips. 

Alec followed Magnus’ action and drank his own beer. “So, uh…four months, huh? I’m glad you ran into me all those months ago.”

“I’m so glad I did too.” Magnus took another sip of his martini. “Though I regret your bow was broken because of me, I’m very pleased to get to know you.”

“You got me a new bow and took me out to dinner so I guess I couldn’t really complained.” Alec threw a playful smile at Magnus.  

Magnus mused. “Think of me when you shoot your arrows.” 

Alec laughed out loud, drawing attention to himself and Magnus. “To think that I _fell_ for that horrible pickup line was beyond embarrassing.” 

“Your pain is my gain, dear.” Magnus said teasingly. “And now this wonderful man in front of me is mine. You’re stuck with me forever, Alexander…because I’m not planning to let you go, _ever_.” 

Alec blushed. “I’m not going anywhere. I guess you’re stuck with me too.”

**~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**

“I wanted to _rip_ this shirt off since we were still in the restaurant.” Magnus growled, ripping the denim shirt Alec was wearing. Buttons flew all over the place.    

“Why didn’t you?” Alec rasped, tumbling backward to the bed.  

“Oh my…” Magnus smirked. “Alexander, is that a kink I detected? Are you secretly an exhibitionist, darling?”

“What do you think?” Alec seductively wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Well, I think…” Magnus trailed off, nipping Alec’s neck. “Next time we go on a date, regardless where it is…I’m gonna tear you apart right there and then.” 

Alec groaned. “Even if we…even if we’re in a c-church?” 

Magnus frowned but he didn’t stop his assault on Alec’s neck. “Why would I take you on a date at a _church_? I’m Atheist, Alexander…certainly not religious at all.” 

“J-Jace is getting married. I want you to be…to be my…my d-date to the wed-wedding.” Alec groaned again as Magnus kissed the hollow of his throat. It was his weak point. 

“If that’s the case…” Magnus started to move, unceremoniously dry humping his boyfriend. “Count me in.”    

**~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**

“I made you breakfast.” Alec kissed Magnus’ cheek as he got ready for work. “Do not try to cook _anything_. You gave me heart attack the last time you did that. Seeing firemen in front of your boyfriend’s building is truly scary.”  

Peeking an eye open, Magnus hummed. “I told you they came for _me_ , Alexander. They simply couldn’t resist my hotness.”

“Right.” Alec pulled his leather jacket on. “They better don’t come here anymore though or they’ll get a bunch of arrows stuck in their chest.” 

“I love it when you get all possessive of me.” Magnus grinned, already wide awake. “Dang, this outfit of yours will be the death of me, Alexander. Do you _have_ to wear the leather jacket?”

Alec halted. “It’s a part of my uniform. Other instructors are wearing it too.”

Magnus huffed. “You’re an archery instructor, not a rockstar. I don’t get it why it is mandatory to wear the damn leather jacket. I bet that old geezer like to stare at all of you in this sinful leather just to get off. Your boss is such a pervert.”  

“Hodge is only ten years older than you and he’s not a pervert.” Alec said. “Wanna have dinner together tonight? I’ll cook.” 

“I can’t.” Magnus pouted. “I have new liquor stocks coming in tonight and I can’t trust my workers to do the inventory after what had happened before.” 

“Some other time then.” Alec smiled although he looked disappointed.

“You can…come by later?” Magnus suggested, sitting up on the bed. “If that’s okay with you?”

Alec kissed Magnus’ cheek. “More than okay.”

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

“Really, Magnus? Another fling?” Raphael gritted his teeth. “Do you realize what you’re doing?”    

“It’s harmless, Raphael. It’s just a blowjob.” Magnus grunted as the man who was kneeling before him took his entire length inside his sinful mouth. 

“You’re being unfair to Alec.” Raphael remarked.  

“What Alexander doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.” Magnus panted, breathless.

“You’re a jerk.” Raphael stared at Magnus in disgust. The slurping sound was so obscene. 

“Don’t act like a fucking _saint_ , Santiago.” Magnus scoffed. “You were no better than me before you met that nerd. Look what had happened to you now. Being all domestic. It’s fucking _annoying_.” 

“You’re a hypocrite.” Raphael snarled. “You’re being all domestic with the Lightwood boy too. Taking him on dates, buying groceries together…he makes you happy, don’t deny it. You can’t lie to yourself, Magnus. Alec’s not just another one of your playthings. If he was, you wouldn’t last this long. You do feel something for him but you’re too scared to admit it. He’s not _her_. Don’t hurt him like she had hurt you.” 

Magnus sneered as he pulled out of the unknown man’s mouth. His mood was gone and so was his erection. “You know what? I guess you’re right. He _does_ make me happy because he’s so great in bed, Raph! The _best_ I’ve ever had. You should see how magnificent he is when we _fuck_. He’s the very definition of a prince on the streets and a freak in the sheets.” 

“Alec doesn’t deserve this.” Raphael said. 

“Oh, Raphael. We don’t deserve a lot of things in this world.” Magnus patted Raphael’s face. “But a wild stallion like me can _never_ be tamed.”    

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

_There’s so much life I’ve left to live and this fire is burning still…_

_When I watch you look at me I think I could find the will…_

_To stand for every dream and forsake this solid ground…_

_And give up this fear within of what would happen if they ever knew…_

**_I’m in love with you._**

**_~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~_ **

“Do you _really_ have to go?” Magnus whined. 

“Unfortunately, yes.” Alec replied. “It’s just for a couple of weeks, Magnus.” 

“Two weeks is too long.” Magnus whined _and_ pouted. He buried his face in Alec’s chest. “I’m going to miss you.” 

“I’ll miss you too.” Alec played with Magnus’ ruffled hair. 

“I won’t survive this separation, Alexander. Hodge Starkweather is a monster for tearing us apart.” Magnus murmured. “We live in a cruel, cruel world.”

Alec chuckled. “I’ll be in _Washington_ , Magnus…not the end of the world.”

“Washington _is_ the end of the world.” Magnus gazed up at Alec with a sad face.

“Come with me then. At least these two weeks will be bearable if we’re together.” Alec offered, smiling brightly. He took the glass on the side table and gulped down the remaining ginger ale in it.

Magnus touched Alec’s lip with his thumb. “You still feeling nauseated?” 

“Yeah.” Alec said with a grimace. “And now there’s this terrible headache too.” 

Magnus pulled himself up. “Come on.” 

Alec frowned. “Where to?”   

“You need to get that check, Alexander. It had been days and I’m worried about you.” Magnus’ eyes were full of concern.

Alec cupped Magnus’ face. “It’s late, Magnus. The clinics are all closed and hospitals are for emergencies only this time of the night. I’ll go tomorrow after work, okay? I promise.”

**~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**

“You’re awfully quiet.” Magnus observed Alec who was sitting tensely beside him. He barely said a word since he arrived. “Darling, whatever it is swirling inside that pretty head of yours, you know you can tell me, right?” 

“I’m pregnant.” Alec abruptly blurted. 

Magnus blinked. “I’m sorry…what?”   

“I’m pregnant.” Alec repeated, gingerly glancing at Magnus. “The headache, the nausea…they’re the symptoms…of pregnancy.” 

“I…I know that our relationship is still new, and we’ve been together for only a few months…” Alec added nervously. “But I think we got this, Magnus. We both have secure jobs, and we’re also financially stable and…and a child is actually a blessing.” 

“You need to get rid of it.” Magnus’ expression held no emotion. 

“What?” Alec paled. 

“Get rid of it, get an abortion.” Magnus said coldly. 

“Magnus, let’s…let’s talk this through.” Alec tried to remain calm. “I know this is shocking news and it’s totally understandable to be anxious and…and frightened. Let’s calm down first and then we can start discussing about this, okay?”    

“Let me get this straight, Alexander.” Magnus exhaled harshly. “I don’t want it. I don’t care if we’re financially or emotionally ready for this because I simply don’t want it. I’m not fond of fatherhood at all.”  

“We both have sex. We know the consequences.” Alec retaliated.

“You’re only twenty-three and I’m a decade older than you, don’t you think I know that?” Magnus snickered. “What’s done is done but the responsibility is not mine to carry and your parents already call me a lothario so why bother.”

“Listen to me.” Magnus sighed when Alec kept quiet. “You’re young so why would you trouble yourself with this burden? Just get the abortion and you’ll see that I’m right.”   

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

“Stop sulking.” Raphael sat on the stairs. “Your dearest Alexander is coming back today.” 

Magnus narrowed his eyes. “How do you know about that?”

Raphael shrugged. “Simon told me. His friend’s son is in Alec’s archery class. And you’ve been moping for two weeks so I kinda put the pieces together.” 

“Oh.” Magnus responded. “So, is um…is it hard to get phone service there?” 

“Why do you ask?” Raphael was genuinely interested.

“No reason. Just asking.” Magnus muttered quietly. 

Raphael smirked. “Alec didn’t contact you since he went to Washington, did he? No wonder why you’re all moody. I hope he’s ready to deal with your pent-up anger when he comes back home.” 

“Shut up.” Magnus checked on his phone for the consecutive time. 

“You my friend, is smitten.” Raphael commented. “You’ve been waiting for his calls and texts like a love-sick puppy without you even realizing it. When he’s around, he’s not enough. When he’s _not_ around, you’re oddly faithful. You’re so weird, man.” 

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

“Alexander, are you home?” Magnus knocked on Alec’s apartment door. He rarely went there since Alec shared it with his siblings. His loft was far cozier anyway. “Alec Lightwood, are you in there?” 

“It has been three weeks, you should be home by now.” Magnus kept on knocking.

“You haven’t returned my calls and my texts went unanswered and I’m starting to freak out.” Magnus laughed humorlessly.

“Alexander?” Magnus called out again.

“Are you looking for the Lightwood siblings?” A woman who had just arrived asked. She obviously lived there since she was holding a couple of groceries bags and struggled with her keys. 

“Let me.” Magnus offered to hold her groceries which the woman gladly accepted. “Yeah, I’m looking for the Lightwoods. Do you happen to know where they are?”

“They don’t live here anymore.” The woman said sympathetically. “Jace had been living with his now wife for a few months but Alec and Izzy had just moved out. Big brother Alec got a new job upstate.” 


	2. I can't survive another night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd.  
> Thanks so much for reading! And extra love for those who had commented, kudos, and subscribes! ♥

“Everybody, out!” Magnus shouted from the high platform but nobody moved.

Magnus grunted. He shoved the DJ harshly together with his equipment and the music stopped instantly. The clubgoers went still and silence filled the club. “Get the fuck out! _Out_!” 

People scattered toward the exit as Raphael rushed toward the swaying Magnus. “Magnus!” 

“Fuck off, Raphael!” Magnus pushed his friend. 

“Magnus, what are you doing?!” Raphael yelled.     

“Leave me alone!” Magnus gulped down the remaining liquor inside the bottle he was holding. 

“Magnus!” Raphael shook Magnus’ shoulders. “How much have you been drinking?!” 

“Not enough!” Magnus pushed Raphael again and stumbled drunkenly to the bar. “I need more to forget all of this pain!” 

“You’ve had enough!” Raphael stood in front of the liquor shelf to prevent Magnus from grabbing another bottle. “What the hell happened?! You haven’t gotten this drunk since— don’t tell me that bitch is back in town?!”     

“It’s not her! It’s Alec! Alec’s _gone_!” Magnus screamed loudly. “Alexander left me! He’s gone and I don’t know where to find him!” 

**~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**

“Drink.” Raphael instructed. 

“What’s that?” Magnus squinted. His head was pounding. 

“Coconut water.” Raphael replied heartlessly. “Drink up or I’ll pour it down your throat.” 

“Geez, no need to get aggressive.” Magnus took a small sip before putting the glass down. “Ugh, that taste horrible!” 

“Well, tough. You’re going to finish it whether you like it or not.” Raphael said. 

“Don’t talk so loud.” Magnus grumbled. “And besides, you can’t make me drink that nasty stuff.” 

“I can and I will.” Raphael’s tone was uncompromising. “I’m out of remedies to give you for your hangover, Magnus! Water, fruit juice, caffeinated drinks…I’ve tried them all! This is the second week in a row I found you pass out in the club, _alone_! You’re going to tank your liver if you keep doing this!” 

Magnus gritted his teeth. Raphael’s piercing voice made his headache worse. “Why do you care? Just leave me be!” 

“You’re my best friend, Magnus. You’re like a brother to me. I can’t let you waste your life like this because of a man.” Raphael seemed sad.     

“How I live my life is none of your business!” Magnus growled. “I don’t need your sympathy! Just leave me the fuck alone!” 

“You know what?” Raphael got off the stool. “Alec did the right choice by leaving you.”    

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

“Hodge Starkweather?” Magnus approached the man holding the bow and quiver cautiously. He looked intimidating. 

“Who’s asking?” The man glanced at Magnus. 

Magnus awkwardly stood in the middle of the archery range. “I’m looking for Alec. Alec Lightwood? Do you know where I can find him?” 

Hodge seemed offended. “You didn’t answer my question, boy.” 

“Sorry.” Magnus quickly said. “I’m Magnus Bane, a friend of Ale—” 

“Magnus Bane.” Hodge whistled. “The owner of that Pandemonium nightclub, am I right?” 

“That’s me.” Magnus laughed humorlessly. 

“Brooklyn’s notorious playboy and Alec’s baby daddy.” Hodge sounded condescending. “Of all people in New York he had to fall for you.” 

“Look, what had happened between Alexander and I is our problem, not yours so I suggest you shut it.” Magnus became defensive.   

“I know where Alec is but I’m not gonna tell you. That boy deserves better.” Hodge seethed. “Although it pained me, I’m glad he had gotten rid that bad seed of yours from his womb.” 

**~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**

“Alexander…” Magnus moaned. His eyes were closed, thrusting harder and deeper into the man. 

“Alexander…” Magnus groaned in pleasure once more.   

“The fuck?!” The man cussed and shoved Magnus hard. 

Magnus lost his balance and fell down to the floor. “Hey! What the fuck is your problem?!” 

The man got off the bed and gathered all of his clothes on the floor. “My name’s Matt! _Matt_ , not Alexander! You’re in bed with me, having sex with _me_ , not him, asshole!” 

“I’m…I’m sorry.” Magnus said genuinely. 

“Once is quite acceptable but if you keep bringing another man’s name while we’re fucking…absolutely _no_! I deserve some respect too!” Matt exclaimed, putting on his clothes angrily.   

“I’m sorry…” Magnus repeated warily. 

“Don’t call me anymore!” Matt bellowed and left the loft.     

Magnus went to the nightstand and took out a picture inside its drawer. “Tall with messy, dark hair and stunning eyes but they’re not the same. They’re not _you_. Nobody can replace you.” 

“You still have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen in my life.” Magnus gushed.   

“Three years, Alexander…” Magnus stared fondly at the picture. “Three years had passed and I still can’t stop thinking of you.” 

**~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**

_I know **I can’t survive another night** away from you…_

_You’re the reason I go on and now I need to live the truth…_

_Right now, there’s no better time…_

_From this fear I will break free and I’ll live again with love…_

_And no they can’t take that away from me…_

_And they will see._

**~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**

“Yes, Raphael…I’ll come for dinner tonight.” Magnus crouched in front of the dessert counter to ogle at the éclairs inside. He was too tall and his favorite éclairs were unfortunately were placed at the bottom of the counter.      

“You’re not going to back out at the last minute, are you?” Raphael said over the phone, skeptical. 

“I’m _not_. If it makes Salmon happy, I’ll—” There was a light push and Magnus’ head hit the display glass. “Ouch! Damn it!” 

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry!” The man swiftly apologized. “The space is too narrow and my legs are too long! I’m really, really sorry!” 

Magnus pulled himself up, ready to yell at the stranger. The moment he came face to face with the man who had knocked him over however, he froze. His mouth went dry instantly. “Alexander?” 

“Mag-Magnus…” Alec paled as if he had seen a ghost but he quickly recovered. 

“It’s…It’s you.” Magnus instinctively smiled. “You’re here. You’re back.” 

“Yeah, I’m back for good.” Alec said firmly. He didn’t look as spooked as he did prior. “I wish I could say it’s nice to see you but it’s really not.”

“Alexander, wait!” Magnus jogged after Alec when the man walked away only to be stopped dead on his track when he saw his former lover left with a handsome blonde man.

“Alexander…” Magnus called out weakly. 

**~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**

“Have you lost your mind?!” Raphael raged as silently as he could. The club was full of people and he didn’t want to make a scene. “Have you been drinking again? Are you _drunk_ right now?!” 

“I’m not drunk and I wasn’t imagining things.” Magnus replied. “I _saw_ him. It _was_ him.” 

“So you decided to _stalk_ him?!” Raphael asked heatedly. “Last time I checked, stalking is _illegal_ in New York.” 

“I’m not stalking him.” Magnus threw a glare. 

“You’re tracking his movements, his locations…you _are_ stalking him.” Raphael retaliated. “Stalking is a misdemeanor, Magnus. You can be charged.” 

Magnus sighed, yielded. “Then what am I supposed to do? I…I _need_ to see him.” 

“You met him by chance the other day so maybe you’ll see him again.” Raphael said.    

“I don’t believe in fate.” Magnus disclosed.   

Raphael stared at Magnus. “You said he was with a guy, right? A handsome blonde at that. He obviously had moved on and so should you.” 

Magnus smiled sadly at his best friend. “I don’t think I ever could unloved him. I don’t think I ever could move on either.”   

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

“Hey, Magnus!” A familiar voice greeted Magnus. 

“Alexander?” Magnus was incredibly shocked. Alec was dressed differently, his hair was styled differently, and the man himself looked absolutely different. “Wh-What are you doing here?” 

“I’m on a date.” Alec easily reacted. “My date here love going clubbing. And your club is the best in town, right?” 

“But you hate clubbing.” Magnus said, eyeing the man next to Alec. He wasn’t the blonde Magnus had seen before.    

“Things changed.” Alec remained nonchalant. 

“Alexander…” Magnus started.

“It’s Alec.” Alec replied. “Well, do you wanna join us, Magnus? I heard you and my date had a history together.” 

“True.” Alec’s alleged date chuckled. “We have a lot to talk about, Mags. Maybe we can do an _encore_ performance too. Or a threesome if you’re up to it?” 

Magnus frowned. “Who the fuck are you? I don’t know you.” 

Alec threw his head back and laughed stridently. “Sure you do. He’s the guy you had fucked in your office the day after you manipulated me to kill our child. Don’t you remember, _Mags_?”  

**~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**

“Thanks for agreeing to have dinner with me.” Magnus offered a smile.

“I only agreed to this because you kept harassing my secretary at the office.” Alec appeared unhappy. “You should be thankful I didn’t press charges on you.” 

“Right.” Magnus said. “So, um…I heard you’re an architect now, taking over your father’s company.” 

“I had to.” Alec replied uninterestedly. “Can we get this over with? Just say whatever you think you need to say. I’m not here for a friendly chat so don’t waste my time. I have somewhere else better to go to.” 

“Alexan—” Magnus halted, realizing his mistake. “Alec, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what, exactly? You need to be specific.” Alec sneered. “Sorry for cheating on me over and over again? Sorry for repeatedly lying to me? Sorry for making me kill an innocent life? Which one is it?” 

“I’m sorry for everything, Alec. For all the things you’ve said and many more.” Magnus said sorrowfully. “I can apologize thousands of times but I know it can’t undo what I had done and it won’t ease the pain I had caused and I know I don’t have the right to ask anything from you, not even a forgiveness when I had betrayed your trust so foolishly. But I—” 

“Alec!” A blonde man approached their table, causing Magnus to scowl. It was the man from the bakery and he had a little girl with him. 

“Jace, hey!” Alec who was brooding prior was now smiling brightly. 

“I’m not interrupting something, am I?” Jace smirked, handing the equally smiling girl to Alec.

“Maybe I should go…” Magnus began to excuse himself. It hurt too much for him to stay. 

“Oh, sorry. Where are my manners? Magnus, this is my brother Jace.” Alec gestured at the blonde. He then lovingly kissed the girl on his lap. “And this gorgeous princess is my daughter…the baby you want me to abort three years ago.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were Magnus, would you be horrified by Alec's sudden revelation? Or would you feel betrayed? Hmmm...


	3. I'll swallow my pride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd.  
> I apologize for the delay. I've been busy with work. :(

“Alec hates me.” It was the first thing Magnus said when Raphael opened the door. 

“I told you.” Raphael said. “It’s too early to make your move. You should give him more time to get used to this city again. He’s been gone for a very long time after all. Who knows where he was the previous years.” 

“I’m a father.” Magnus’ voice was flat, his face was void of emotion. 

Raphael blinked slowly, didn’t really know how to react. “Uh…who’s pregnant?” 

Magnus was clearly hopeless. “Alec.” 

Raphael wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. “Alec Lightwood? Magnus, you haven’t met the guy in _three years_. How can he be pregnant when—” 

“Alec was pregnant three years ago and I asked…I made him to get an abortion. He didn’t want to but I _forced_ him do it. I think…that’s the reason why he left.” Magnus whispered, ashamed. “He…He brought his…our daughter tonight. I’m a father, Raphy…I have a daughter.” 

“What?!” Raphael shouted, completely taken aback. “Alec was _pregnant_?! And you damn _forced_ him to terminate it?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” 

“I have no excuse for myself. I know how terrible I was to Alec.” Magnus trembled. “I regretted my decision but I was too late when I realized my mistakes. Alec was already gone…” 

“How could you stoop so low, Magnus? I feel like I don’t know you at all.” Raphael was obviously angry. “If I had known this three years ago, we might not be friends anymore right now.”

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

“Hey, man.” A cute man came to Magnus. 

“Hey…” Magnus said without even looking at the person. He was too occupied with his phone. The music was blaring in the club but the bar area was quite quiet and comfortable for personal time. 

“Whatcha doing?” The man asked, didn’t seem ready to give up to get Magnus’ attention. 

Magnus looked up and sighed in relief. It turned out the man was Simon Lewis, Raphael’s boyfriend. “Thank God it’s just you. I really don’t have the mood to make any new _acquaintance_ tonight.”  

Simon hummed, stealthily sneaking a quick look at Magnus’ phone. “Who’s the adorable little girl?” 

Magnus looked back at his phone’s screen. A small smile appeared on his face. It was his first genuine smile in a week. “My daughter.” 

“Alec must have loved her so much, huh?” Simon commented, watching the photos on Alec Lightwood’s Instagram as Magnus scrolled down to see more. “His account is filled with her pictures.”

“He sure is.” Magnus said quietly. “And I love her too even though I’ve only seen her once. A few minutes is not enough and I want to see her again but I’m sure Alec won’t agree. He has been unforgiving since he moved back here. Raphael was right when he said I should give Alec time, you know…before he renounced our friendship.”   

“Raphael will definitely _de_ -renounced your friendship once he’s done being angry.” Simon said. “The same goes to Alec, Magnus. He’s probably still hurting. Give him some space to truly forgive you and accept you in his and his daughter’s life.”    

“They might not need me in their life, but I need them in mine.” Magnus confessed.

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

“Are you having fun, Chairman?” Magnus lovingly scratched the white British Shorthair cat behind his ear. He loved taking his cat to the park where he could play freely in the open field.

Magnus chuckled when the cat meowed in satisfaction and then rolling on the grass, twisting the leash around himself. “Stop acting so foolishly, Chairman Meow or your nine lives gonna end soon than expected.” 

“Kitty!” An excited little girl exclaimed, promptly dropping to the ground and hugging Chairman Meow. 

“He loves you, sweet pea.” Magnus said when Chairman Meow let himself being snuggled to death by the girl without protesting.

“Mackenzie!” Someone shouted, making the little girl looked up and beamed. Magnus instantly paled when he realized who the child was and became even paler when he noticed the man that was approaching. 

“Are you following us?!” A very angry Alec Lightwood towered over the shocked Magnus.  

“I’m not.” Magnus managed to say. “I’m always here to take Chairman during the weekend.”  

“There’s a lot of other parks and I’m supposed to believe you’re here by _chance_?!” Alec scooped his daughter into his arms and walked away. “Stay away from us!” 

“Bye-bye, kitty!” The girl waved. 

“Goodbye, sweet pea.” Magnus waved back dejectedly.    

**~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**

“Is it just me or is everyone has finally mastered the art against gravity?” Magnus frowned at the bartender.

“Dude, you’re drunk.” The bartender was amused. “Give me your keys. You shouldn’t be driving home.” 

“It’s okay, I got him.” Someone with a deep yet familiar voice took a seat next to Magnus. 

“Raphy!” Magnus gushed, hugging his estranged best friend. “I miss you, Raphy. My life’s not the same without you. I miss you.” 

Raphael helped Magnus to stand up. “I miss you too, buddy.” 

“I don’t have anyone in this world, Raphy.” Magnus muttered drunkenly. “Nobody wants me. My parents are dead, Alec doesn’t want me, my daughter doesn’t know me…I just have you, Raphy…and Sulaiman too I guess. Please don’t break up, okay?”   

“You’ll always have me and Simon, Magnus. Always.” Raphael assured. 

Magnus grinned like a loon. “I met my daughter today, Raphy. She’s so pretty…” 

Raphael smiled. “Of course she’s pretty. Look at who her dads are.”  

“Her name’s Mackenzie.” Magnus enthused. “Gonna…Gonna call her Kenz…” 

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

_Every night’s getting longer and this fire is getting stronger, baby…_

**_I’ll swallow my pride_ ** _and I’ll be alive, can’t you hear my call?_

_Right here, right now I give my life to live again…_

_I’ll break free, take me…_

_My everything._

**~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

“They looked happy.” Magnus commented dryly. “They look happy without me. Maybe I should leave it that way.” 

“You’ll do no such thing.” Raphael muttered as he too watched the father-daughter duo chasing one another at the park. “That girl doesn’t realize something is missing in her life because she simply doesn’t know who you are. Once she does, she won’t let you out her sight.” 

“I asked Alec to _kill_ her, Raphael. Even you were furious at me when you found out. How do you think Alec must have felt? But I’m so glad he didn’t do it. Look how precious she is.” Magnus gushed, lovingly watching his daughter from far.

“I was mad but then I chose to forgive you because everyone deserves a second chance. You aren’t the person you were three years back, Magnus.” Raphael said softly. 

“But Alec’s right. I don’t deserve to make any demands after what I had done.” Magnus uttered with sorrow. 

“You’re not making any demands, they’re simple _requests_.” Raphael sipped on his cola. 

“Tell that to him.” Alec shrugged toward Alec’s direction. “I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me. He doesn’t even allow me to see her. He’s Mackenzie’s legal guardian and I’m nobody. I doubt he even put my name as the second parent in her birth certificate.”

“Alec can’t separate a father and his child forever. He’ll have to let you see her again eventually.” Raphael casually replied. “Someday, Magnus…that daughter of yours will ask about you, she’ll start asking questions, and at that time Alec will have to tell the truth whether he likes it or not. He can’t change the fact that you’re his daughter’s father too no matter how much he hates you.” 

Magnus shook his head. “Someday is too vague, Raphy. I don’t wanna wait that long for it to finally happen. I’ve already missed out a lot of things and I’ll be missing out even more by then. From the pregnancy to the birth, to my daughter’s life as a baby…I don’t want to miss out anything else! Mackenzie is already two and I don’t wanna wait till she’s sixteen for her to finally find out that I’m her other father!” 

Raphael patted Magnus’ shoulder. “Then tell that to Alec. It might not be the best for him, but he’ll know it’s the best for his beloved daughter.” 

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**   

“Alec…” Magnus swiftly put himself in between Alec and his dancing partner. Even though Alec had no longer come to Pandemonium, he wouldn’t give up for his daughter’s sake.

“Can’t you see I’m busy?” Alec was affronted by Magnus’ behavior. “Move.” 

“Alexander…” Magnus attempted to touch Alec’s forearm.  

Alec yanked his hand out of Magnus’ reach. “It’s Alec.” 

“I always call you Alexander and I’m not going to change that!” Magnus half-shouted right in the middle of the dance floor. He knew they weren’t in his club and he wasn’t allowed to cause trouble but he didn’t care. “Alexander, please. Please just hear me out.”   

Alec huffed, exiting the dance floor to a more secluded area of the club. “What do you want?” 

Magnus breathed. “I want to see Mackenzie.” 

“No.” Alec began to walk away.

“Alexander, please…let me see her again.” Magnus grabbed Alec’s hand, stopping him. “I deserve to see my daughter!”

“Your _daughter_?! You didn’t even _want_ her!” Alec spat, furious. “You lost the right to call her your daughter the moment you told me to get an abortion!”

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**   

“Magnus Bane…” The man whistled but he skeptically gawked at Magnus. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

Magnus came forward and took a seat despite not being invited to do so. And he knew his mere presence there was highly unwelcome as well. “We really need to talk, Alec.”   

“About _what_ , exactly? Are you planning to renovate your club? Or do you want a new look for your loft? I’m vastly _honored_ to please the great Magnus Bane.” Alec sneered all the way from his seat.

“You know why I’m here.” Magnus didn’t break their eye-contact. Alec’s words had hurt him deep but he would never back away. 

“What I _do_ know is that I’m supposed to meet someone by the name of Simon Lewis and you’re not him.” Alec said nonchalantly. “Though I’m quite impressed you’ve managed to deceive me into agreeing to this appointment by pretending to be a potential client.” 

“I have no other choice. You’re making things difficult for me.” Magnus tensely responded.

“Me avoiding you is making your life miserable? Awww, poor Magnus.” Alec mocked the man in front of him. “Why should I make things easier for you? Tell me, Magnus… _why_ should I risk everything I have for you? I know exactly why you’re here and let me tell you this…I don’t want you in my daughter’s life. _Ever_. She doesn’t know who you are and I plan to keep it that way.”   

Magnus was trembling. The sadness he felt was choking him. “Then why did you tell me about her when you have no intention whatsoever to let me be her father?” 

“Don’t you get it, Magnus?” Alec’s lips formed a cruel smile. “Wanting something you can never have is the worst feeling in the world and _that_ is the only thing you truly deserve.” 

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**   

“ _God_ …” Magnus’ muffled moan vibrated in the walls of the spacious office. “Always want…you. Want this. Want _you_.” 

“What we want…isn’t what we should be doing.” Alec angled his hips, slammed down and clenched hard. “I fucking _hate_ you. But fuck…I still…I still want you too, _Magnus_.” 

The sound of his name in a ragged whisper hit Magnus deep in his guts and straight to his cock. He was buried deep as his whole body seized. “Al-Alexander!”

“Oh, oh fuck!” Alec groaned, twitching. He flopped against Magnus’ heaving chest. 

“That was…” Magnus panted, pulling out and tugging off the condom. He was well spent and thoroughly fucked. He didn’t imagine it would end up like this when he went to Alec’s office. Alec had been ruthless to him at first and next thing he knew the angry man had crashed their lips together before straddling him. “Amazing.” 

“Good.” Alec lifted himself up and off of Magnus. “Now that I’ve satisfied you, you can leave me and my daughter alone.”

“What?” Magnus paled. “Alec, what— what are you saying?” 

“You can’t fool me. I know you, the _real_ you.” Alec grated the words out. “You don’t care about her, about us. All you want is one last fuck and now you had it so leave us alone.” 

“You think that’s what I want from you?” Magnus’ heart hurt. “Is that what this is about? You bribing me with sex to keep me away from our daughter?”

“Mackenzie is _my_ daughter.” Alec snarled. “You were just my sperm donor…nothing more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, wow. Alec is really ruthless toward Magnus. Whose side are you on, my dear readers? Team!Alec or Team!Magnus? :)


	4. I'd hold you in my arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly apologize for the very long delay, my dear readers. I never thought work will take all my attention away. Maafkan aku. :(

“Aren’t you going to eat that?” Raphael gestured at the plate of scrambled eggs and a toast. 

“No.” Magnus hardly glanced over. 

“Its way past lunch time and you haven’t even eaten your breakfast.” Raphael tutted. 

“Not hungry.” Magnus mumbled. 

Raphael sighed. “You need to eat, Magnus.” 

Magnus looked up, pleading with his eyes. “Raphy…” 

“At least come over for dinner tonight?” Raphael was pleading as well. “Simon’s planning to cook your favorite.” 

“Tell Si I said thanks…but I can’t make it tonight.” Magnus’ voice was barely a whisper.  

“You need to be with friends right now. Let Simon and I—”

Magnus shook his head. “Please, Raphy…I need to be alone.” 

**~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**

“Magnus Bane!” The yell came seconds before pain stung Magnus’ face. 

Magnus stumbled, incoherent. “Wha—”

“You son of a bitch!” Someone roughly grabbed the collar of his shirt and only then Magnus realized the person was Alec’s brother, Jace. “What did you do, huh? What did you do?!” 

“I…I don’t…I don’t…” Magnus sputtered in confusion. 

“What did you do to my brother, Bane?!” Jace hissed. “Alec barely leaves his room and he hasn’t been eating at all! If it wasn’t for his daugh—” 

“Hey, let go of him!” Raphael was suddenly there, pushing Jace off of Magnus. 

Jace complied despite being angry. “I don’t know what had happened but I do know _you_ are involved, Bane! You’re the only person who can hurt my brother like this! Haven’t you done enough, huh?! Haven’t you broke Alec enough inside and out?!”

“I did nothing!” Magnus shouted. “I’d never do anything to hurt Alexan—” 

“Then why my brother looks so broken?!” Jace responded as angry as before. “Why do you have to hurt him again?!”

“Hey!” Raphael growled at Jace, standing in front of Magnus to defend him. “Alec may be your brother but Magnus is mine! Don’t think for one second that Magnus is alone in this! You coming here attacking my brother won’t solve anything!”  

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

“Are you here to hit me again?” Magnus evenly asked. “I prefer if you don’t though, because I kinda need the other eye to see.” 

“Yeah…sorry about that.” Jace pointed at Magnus’ bruised left eye. “That was a stupid thing to do.” 

“You’re just looking out for your brother.” Magnus murmured, distractedly watching two of his employees fixing the multicolored spotlights.     

“Alec had gone through a lot and the last thing I want is for him to get hurt again.” Jace took a seat. “He hates our father and yet he still takes over the family’s company when Robert got sick because it’s the right thing to do. He told you about Mackenzie for the same reason, Magnus. Because it’s the right thing to do. You’re Mackenzie’s father and she’s your daughter.” 

“What’s the point of me knowing when I can’t even see her?” Magnus responded. “Alec didn’t do it out of the goodness of his heart. He _hates_ me. He told me about Mackenzie to torture me, to hurt me…he said so himself.” 

“I know what he did to you. He told me everything.” Jace confessed. “Though I don’t condone it, Alec’s my older brother and I’ll always support him no matter what.” 

“I know I was a jerk to him before, I know how bad I’ve scarred him, how cruel I was back then. I don’t care if he wanted to insult me, hurt me the way I did to him. I’ve swallowed my pride, I’ve thrown away my ego but Alec’s action…what he did the other day…” Magnus trailed off, visibly reliving the pain. “He made me feel so worthless.” 

“Alec’s afraid, Magnus.” Jace gave Magnus a sad smile. “He’s afraid to trust you again. He’s been harsh on you simply because he’s afraid you’ll hurt him again, or worse…you’re going to hurt his daughter too. Mackenzie is his life.” 

“I _love_ him. I swear I’ll never hurt him ever again. Life without him has been very painful, I’ve learned my lesson.” Magnus said genuinely. “But he hates me. His wound is too deep and I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me.”      

“If Alec truly hates you, the things he had done to you won’t break him like this. He’ll feel a deep satisfaction instead of feeling miserable.” Jace concluded. “By hurting you, he’s hurting too.” 

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

“Hello, Alexander.” Magnus greeted the man with a small smile. 

Alec noticeably recoiled, hastily shutting the door behind him. “What are you doing here?! How do you know where I live?!” 

“Jace gave me your address.” Magnus calmly responded even though he was shocked to see Alec’s current appearance. The man appeared disheveled and so utterly distraught. “May I come in?”

“I’m going to _kill_ him!” Alec hissed under his breath. “No, you may not come in. My daughter is playing in the living room and I don’t want her to even glance at you.” 

Magnus’ expression turned forlorn in seconds. Alec’s words cut him like flesh wounds. “Sorry for ruining your night but I promise you, this will be the last time I’ll ever bother you.”

“I seriously doubt that.” Alec huffed. 

“I mean it this time, Alexander.” Magnus said with difficulty. “I won’t be a nuisance in your life anymore.” 

“That’s a relief.” Alec chuckled humorlessly. 

“Before I go, I just wanna say…thank you for everything, Alexander.” Magnus uttered the words with the utmost sincerity. “Thank you for going through with the pregnancy. Thank you for bringing our daughter into this world. Thank you for raising her so well. You’re the best father she could have ever asked for.” 

“Though it pains me, I’ll respect your decision.” Magnus stared lovingly at Alec, who gazed back, wide eyed. “Goodbye, Alexander.”   

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

_‘Cause I’d surrender everything to feel the chance to live again…_

_I reach to you I know you can feel it too, we’d make it through…_

_A thousand dreams I still believe I’d make you give them all to me…_

**_I’d hold you in my arms_ ** _and never let go…_

_I surrender._  

**~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**

“Do you know why I named her Mackenzie?” A deep, shaky voice startled Magnus. The glass of whiskey he was holding fell from his hand, shattering on the floor. 

“Alexander…” Magnus was breathless.   

“Because she reminds me of you.” Alec answered his own question, shuddering. “The moment she was born, all I see was you in her. She had my eyes but she looked just like _you_.” 

Tears welled in Magnus’ eyes. He had only met his daughter once but he wasn’t blind. He had seen the resemblance. “Alexander…”

“She’s your daughter and she looks so much like you and I wanted to hate her…” Alec sobbed. He dropped onto his knees, clutching Magnus’ jacket like a lifeline. “I wanted to hate her for wearing the face of the man that I _reviled_ the most in my life. I’m her one and only father…I should…get…”   

Magnus kneeled on the floor, looping his arms around Alec. “Alexander, stop. Please don’t torment yourself like this…” 

Alec continued sobbing, grasping tighter. “I wanted to hate her for being your daughter…but all I did was fall in love even more.” 

“I felt like the entire world was against me. It made me hate you even more for having that privilege. You didn’t even want her and yet you…still haunted me…” Alec slumped forward into Magnus’ embrace. “Where were…you?”   

“I’m sorry, Alexander.” Tears were wetting Magnus’ face. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” 

“I named her Mackenzie so that I can call her Mack…” Alec whispered brokenly. “Just like what I used to call you, Mags.” 

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

“I should…go.” Alec’s voice was a bit rough but it wasn’t unkindly. 

“Alexander, please stay.” Magnus croaked, throat tighten. “Please don’t push me away.” 

“I…I can’t…” Alec seemed uncertain.     

“Please, Alexander. Please let me prove to you that I’m not the same person I was before.” Magnus pleaded. “Please give me a chance to prove it to you. I love you, please…”

“I love you too. I still do and I’ve never stopped.” Alec’s lips trembled. “But I don’t think I can trust you.” 

“I’ll do anything you want, _anything_!” Magnus desperately seized Alec’s arm, not wanting to be parted from one another again. “I’ll build back your trust. I want you in my life, Alexander. I want both you and our daughter in my life.”

“You’ve hurt me before.” A single tear was shed. “You can hurt me again.” 

“I won’t. I promise you, I won’t.” Magnus wiped the tear away with his thumb. His own tears were threatening to spill. “I was stupid before. I let lust controlled me, I betrayed you. You’re the best thing I never knew I needed, Alexander…and I don’t wanna lose you.”     

“I’m scared, Magnus.” Alec said hopelessly. “What if it doesn’t work?” 

“Please give us a chance. Give us a chance to be happy again, Alexander.” Magnus implored with all he had. “Give us a chance to be a family.” 

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

“Hello, sweet pea.” Magnus uttered nervously. 

Magnus had expected the little girl to be shy but instead he was greeted with a huge smile. “Kitty man!” 

Magnus was instantly overwhelmed. He felt like crying. He couldn’t believe his daughter remembered him from their brief meeting at the park weeks ago. “Yeah, kitty man…that’s me.” 

“Where kitty?” Mackenzie sweetly queried, peeking behind Magnus who was kneeling in front of her. 

“He’s at my house, sweetheart. I’ll bring him here next time, okay?” Magnus chuckled lightly, pushing back the sob that was threatening to escape.

“Okay.” Mackenzie chirpily replied, still gazing at Magnus.

“Mack…” Alec said softly and Mackenzie turned her grin toward Alec. He gently picked her up and stood in front of Magnus. “Mack, this is Magnus…” 

“Mag…nus?” Mackenzie tested the name before giggling. “Your name’s funny.”   

“Mack, kiddo…” Alec tried to control his emotions. “Magnus is your other daddy, honey. He’s your Papa.” 

Mackenzie blinked. “Papa?” 

 **~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~**  

“Papa!” Mackenzie gleefully shrieked. “Papa, look!”   

“Mackenzie Hope Lightwood-Bane!” Magnus gasped. “Sweet pea…”   

“Oh, wow…” Alec was stunned as well. 

“Mack, sweetpea…you’re supposed to color your drawing, not the real Chairman.” Magnus told the grinning toddler.   

“Chairman Meow more pretty now.” Mackenzie uttered with satisfaction as she chased the terrified cat. 

“Your cat is blue.” Alec commented with a straight face. “Your daughter has turned your cat blue.” 

Magnus sighed, slumped on the sofa. “Chairman Meow will need therapy. A lot of it.”

Taking a seat on Magnus’ lap, Alec heaved a breath. “Do you still think you made the right choice, Magnus Bane? It’s Saturday night and instead of hitting the clubs you’re at home, with a cat who desperately needs to visit the groomer and a toddler who is also desperately needs a bath. Do you ever regret choosing this life? Do you ever regret choosing us?” 

“You and Mack, this little family of ours is the best thing that ever happened to me.” Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec, affectionately kissing his jaw. “I live with no excuses, I love with no regrets.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, commenting, and supporting this story of mine! I hope you're happy with the ending! This fic is inspired by Celine Dion's song, I Surrender. Till next time! ;)


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